POST NUMBER 300!

I thought that I had published post number 300 yesterday.  But on checking, this 300th post that I had been working on, but was still a draft, was also counted in that 300.  So I'm celebrating this 300th by doing three posts in a row this week. That may never happen again!

Tea party granddaughters!

We had four family birthdays on the weekend, three on Friday and Kirk's wife, Shauna's today.  We had a party yesterday for Abbey here at the farm.  Lindsay and Jamie did a great job of setting special tables for this occasion.  Lindsay climbed up and brought down twelve china cups and saucers that she suggested we use.  And why not?  What am I saving them for?  They decided to set two tables, one for the "boys" and one for the "girls".  The boys table had a paper Happy Birthday tablecloth with a crystal bowl (my grandparents wedding gift in 1904) filled with red glass balls and my new Norsk flag. NFL napkins were suitable as that season started today!  (Kirk is an avid fan!)

The girls table had a white lacy cloth with pastel flowers on it. The centre piece was a low silver bowl containing a collection of seashells.  (Ashley was fascinated with a larger one that she held up to her ear and could "hear the ocean!") The serviettes on this table were pink with hearts.  My Grandma Erickson's "Daffodil" silverware was used there, stainless steel "Woodmere" on the boys. Both tables had Doric white china plates with silver trim. Lindsay made place cards for each person with her very nice printing.  Freshly picked corn on the cob was the hit of the meal.  Laurel had picked it at Frank Kime's. He was ninety on September 7 and still goes out to garden at his Milestone farm where Laurel and Greg lived when they were first married.  It was super sweet corn and was just that.  Kirk said it was the best corn he'd eaten this season.

Eric enjoying a big cob of super sweet corn

 We topped the ham, scalloped potatoes, Caesar salad and Laurel's homemade buns with chocolate birthday cake and ice cream. (Thanks for the delicious cake, Jodi!)  We missed you Shauna, hope your bruised tailbone is feeling better every day!  We also missed Greg and Dawson who were busy with harvest at their Milestone farm.

Happy 11th birthday, Abbey!

It was a very fun day and made all the better as Clare got caught up with harvesting that day!  Kirk and son Carter were each out on a combine working together to help finish up the durum here at home.  There's some later canola and the soybeans to do yet but that won't be for a week or two.

Carter at the controls of the Case combine
(How's that for an illustration of the letter "C"?)

Father and son finishing up the durum as the sun is setting

And what do you do with a pile of durum that accidentally gets spilled in the yard?  Well, if you are Ashley, you lie down in it and make "snow" angels!

This afternoon we had a telephone visit with the new parents and got to hear Nora's strong little voice too.  Here's a picture of her that came this morning.

"I'm praying for you, Grandma J"

Now, back to that post that I'd been working on!  I started this blog on February 11, 2010, the day after my sixty-eighth birthday.  I had been following Laurel's friend Holly's blog and was inspired to start one too.  It has been a good experience for me, a way to keep in touch with family and friends and a way to share my thoughts and experiences.  Thank you for encouraging me in this endeavour.  I am often surprised to find out who reads my blog!

I am more comfortable sharing my ideas in writing than in person so this is a good way for me to do just that.  I am reminded of my first experience in doing a writing assignment at Teacher's College back in the fall of 1961.  Coming from a small town school with only five of us in grade twelve, I felt quite ignorant when I'd hear these "city kids" discuss novels that I had never heard of, let alone read.  For our first assignment in English class, I wrote about leaving home.  We had interviews with the professor later and he told me that he had given  out two A's - one to a guy in our class and the other to me!  That did a lot to boost my confidence.  I may have missed out on a lot of things coming from a small rural school background, but I had the basics and could express myself in writing as well as they could, maybe even better!

I did a lot of letter writing in those days too, both to a boyfriend and to my folks.  (Be careful when you write letters to them both on the same day - letters and envelopes can get mixed up!!)  I would mail a letter home every Monday and would get a letter back from Mom by the end of the week.  Those were the days of 5 cent stamps and no postal codes, but somehow the mail seemed more reliable back then.  I cherish the letters that I received from my mother and also from Howard during our courting days.

Now I am facing a "new normal" as I adjust to being a widow after being Howard's wife for almost 46 years.  I recently read a comment from a pastor trained in trauma and grief counselling.  He stated that the greatest challenge for people who are hurting is often not the immediate heartache of the loss but adjusting to the different kind of life that follows.  I am finding that to be true.

A cousin sent me a book written by a woman from Swift Current who shared her experiences in becoming a widow.  The book is entitled Vidh.  The title word is the root of vidhava,  the Sanskrit word for widow.  It held various shades of meaning such as apart, lacking and empty.  It is enlightening to know that the word that now describes me means feeling separate and empty.  The author describes the book as "A Book of Mourning, a story of the loss of love and of learning how to live without my partner." As for me, I would have to say the loss of a love, as I am still surrounded by the love of family, friends, church family, a caring community and most of all a loving God who has promised to be with me always.  I feel His presence and do not feel "alone" even if I am by myself on the farm.

But life without Howard has a new loneliness, as this author also shares.  She talks about the loneliness of having no one to tell, especially the little things in life that made up much of our days together.  And of asking questions and having no one to answer.  Howard was very observant and had a fantastic memory. I often find myself thinking that he would know the answer to a question that I have.  I no longer can look back on these forty-five plus years together and say "Remember when ......."

Having this blog is so good for me now.  I have "someone" to share with and I can write away until I feel it's time to quit!.  Thank you for letting me express myself in this way as I learn how to live without my partner. (And thanks, Vangie for sharing this book with me.  I read it all right away, and now find myself turning to it often.  It's helps to know how another widow has coped with her loss and to realize how many feelings we widows have in common.)