WEDNESDAY NOV 7

I had planned earlier in the week to go to Estevan on Thursday.  Today was a lovely mild day so I thought I better take advantage of that and make the trip while the going was good.  The forecast has that SNOW word in it with colder temperatures and wind along with it.  I wanted to get stocked up on essentials before that hits.  I bought a few more things for the Christmas Child boxes, then went to St. Joseph's to visit Aunt Viola.  When I got there, they were having a Remembrance Day service so I got in on that too.  Then we had a good visit in her room before I left.  I dropped off some boxes of worn jeans at Lawrence and Lilah's.  Lawrence likes to keep busy so he'll cut the best part of these jeans into squares for our quilting group at Trinity.  Lilah showed me two special quilts that she has made from kits that she bought years ago in Calgary.  One was a cosy flannel rag quilt. The other was a pretty quilted one with flannel on both sides. I ended up at the Co-op and stocked up on softener salt, jugs of water and some groceries.  The clerk commented on all the fruit that I was buying.  That and milk is what I tend to run out of so I made sure that I have a good supply of those, along with buttermilk so I can make flatbread and pancakes.

I have been thinking about using the following article for a few weeks now and today seems like a good time to share it with you.  Earlier in my blog I have talked about the experience of becoming a widow and the books that have been helpful in understanding this new way of life.  Joyce (Bergum) Hanson sent me an article that her mother, Gladys, had written for a church paper about being widowed.  One memory I have of Gladys is of her and Art running off the church bulletins and minutes of meetings on the gestetner in the church office. No photocopy machines or computers in those days!  She also typed many of my first Christmas letters.  I took a community college class in typing from Gladys and now I am able to type my own.  I am thankful for the blessing she and Art were in our church family.  Art was a cousin of Howard's mother Clara so we were also members of the Bergum family.  Thanks to their daughter Joyce for sharing this article with me and giving me permission to include it in my blog.

                                       ON HIGHER GROUND - WIDOWED

Written in 1991 by Gladys Bergum for a church bulletin insert.

Recently I read a book entitled “A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23” by Phillip Keller. The chapter about the valley of death struck me as being very applicable to dying.

The author tells about sitting with his wife while she was dying, only he puts it this way “… my wife went to higher ground … no fear, just a going on to higher ground.” He compares human life to sheep going up into the mountains for better grazing. This is the way I like to think about death too. It is wonderful for the one who has gone on, but what about those of us who are left behind?

The moment after the death the thought comes to you “Now I am a widow”. Now that is a shocker for you. Whether you have loved your spouse greatly or maybe you fought like the proverbial cat and dog. Regardless of which it was, it is still a shock when death comes. It is an end to a way of life.

Some may say, “ You had lots of time to prepare.” That is true about many of the things you will have to face alone, but one moment you are a married person with a loving spouse (or otherwise) and the next you move into a different sphere of life – you are widowed. No matter how long the illness has been the change happens in a flash.

It hits you immediately and even months and years later. It surfaces often. Different things trigger a reaction and you seem prone to being knocked down by these reactions for varying lengths of time.

Recently I was ill and in hospital. Now in the last fifty years of my life I have been in hospital for various reasons but always when I opened my eyes there sat my spouse, quietly, saying nothing usually, but---there. This time he was not there. It came to me that the Lord was there. A voice or thought seemed to say, “This time it is just you and me, old girl.”

It is wonderful that the Lord IS there, but oh how I missed my spouse and it is nearly five years since he “went on to higher ground”.

You may have children – or you may not. They may live close by or far away; keep in touch or rarely call – no matter—there is still that feeling of “now I am alone”. The worst of it is that each individual feels that this experience is “mine alone”. Every one of us is sure that nobody else ever experienced these same thoughts, feelings or emotions.

Over the last four and one- half years I have spoken to many widowed persons—young, middle-aged, and older. No matter what the age all have had the same experiences. At first I found this amazing until I realized that becoming widowed does have the same effect on all of us. It is a drastic change in the stage of life which we had been in. Now there is no one to touch you – no one to share your inner most thoughts. Unless you have experienced this you cannot possibly really understand what the bereaved one is going through.

I wonder - What do those who do not believe in God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit do? It must be a horrific empty feeling. Then there are those who say they believe but turn to other ways of trying to get relief from their sorrow. That is a hopeless situation. The only way is to give God a chance to lead you.

Being with others also helps. One thing I would urge communities to undertake is a support group for the widowed. Maybe through the church --- and then again maybe not—because we have to think of those who have cut themselves off from God. Sure, a support group in the church is great but will these others come to such a group? Will the believers come to a community sponsored group? Yes, I believe they will and through them the others may be helped in more ways than they would ever expect.

Thinking further – maybe divorced people should be included in this support group for I notice that the divorced have many of the same reactions as the bereaved. After all this too is a death – the death of a marriage.

Last Sunday our pastor spoke on “ Living on the Resurrection side of the Cross”. Would not reaching out to other widowed persons (male or female) be one way of living on the resurrection side of the cross? What do other widowed persons think of such a support group?